Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Coming soon to a blog near you
So here's the deal, I feel slightly less busy now that I have my classes out of the way. I've been thinking for a while now, and I feel that if I actually publicly state that I'm ready to write the next chapter in "Helga's Journey" that I will be motivated to do it.....and I know that I will feel guilty if I don't follow through on this promise. So here is the official statement.....Chapter 8- (Title yet to be determined) is on its way. I don't work next week, or the week after so rather than plan my next few months of lessons for the children, I will sacrifice and work on this long-delayed work. I'm hoping for the best, wish me luck.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
If you happen to find my brain will you let me know?
So I really and truly wish that I could call this a "Helga" story, but for one it doesn't really include any persons of the male gender, and also I'm the one that blew it this time, not Helga.
I'm not really sure that this is blog worthy, but since all of 3 or 4 people actually read this I may or may not be wasting only 3 or 4 people's time so here it goes. And also it was really bugging me so I figured this would be a good-not-so-public way to vent a little bit.
When it comes to technology I am challenged. Even when I have "mastered" some form of technology, I still manage to find a loop-hole and still screw things up. Such has been the case the last little while with my mobile cellular telephone ( I figure that if I write big and intelligent words, you may give me some credit for knowing big and intelligent words, rather than just thinking I'm stupid for the following stories.....)
About a year ago I decided I wanted to venture into the world of texting. Because of my challenge with technology I decided that I would likely do 'best' with a keyboard type phone,......we'll just say that predictive text and I have not, are not, and never will be friends, so alas I found the seemingly perfect keyboard flip phone (the type with the numbers on front, and when opened you find a magical keyboard). However, the phone and I have had a love-hate relationship. I LOVE its durability, I LOVE its snazzy look, and I LOVE it loyalty and dedication to me.......okay, back up scratch the last comment, forget loyalty and dedication. I HATE its magical ability to randomly and unknowingly dial friends, family, and the like at ANY given time of day, yes my phone is the master of the so-called "butt-dial" or to be more proper "butt0cks-dialing"......here are just a few examples:
1. There was the time my parents nearly drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to Logan because I rolled on my phone in the middle of the night and the blasted speed dial called my parents. They naturally panicked when they picked up the phone in a middle-of-the-night-stupor and I didn't answer. Of course I didn't answer, I was sleeping comfortably on top of my phone. But as far as they were concerned I was in mortal peril.
2. Another time I went through of phase of not only calling people from my pocket, but managing to leave rather lengthy messages. One message in particular was nearly 10 minutes long. The reciever of this message told me later that she had the pleasure of listening to me boss around a group of 2nd graders through the duration of the message. It's a good thing that she is not that judgemental.
3a. But the most recent occasion, is the one that brought about this blog. I had to call a family friend recently for a school assignment. The first time I called this friend we had a brief phone conversation, and that was it, or so I thought. I was carrying on a conversation with my sister on our front porch when I thought I heard someone.....it took me a minute to realize that the noise was coming from my phone. I was a little confused because it hadn't rung/rang/ringed, but I answered as though it had. The conversation went a little something like this:
Stranger: Hello?!?
Me: Um hi, did I call you or did you call me?
Annoyed stranger: You called me......
Confused me: Well I think I have the wrong number then
Even more annoyed stranger: How do you know you have the wrong number
Confused and embarassed, but honest me: Because I didn't mean to call anyone.....um yeah, so bye.
Silence
I looked at my phone, only to find that this wasn't a stranger, it was the husband of the friend that I had called earlier. Even thought he may not have known who the idiot was that he talked to on the phone, I still felt stupid to say the least.
I got over this incidence, but only until recently when it came to haunt again. So here is story #3b:
I had to call the family friend again recently concerning my school assignment. Again our conversation was brief and all was well. Until once again I was carrying on a conversation with my sister when I thought I heard a voice again.......I've grown accustomed to realize that these "voices" I hear generally come from my phone when it is in my pocket and I am leaning against something, such was the case this time. I looked at the phone mortified, not only because I had accidentally and unknowingly called this same person again, but the clock read......11:11.........p.m.
The conversation I had with the "stranger" this time was much more brief and to the point.....
Mortified me:Um Bergus, (No I don't know a Bergus, but you have to admit, that this was a creative alias) this is um Heather......I'm so sorry, my phone was in my pocket and I accidentally called so um I'm really sorry
Perturbed, annoyed, angry, (I'm pretty sure there could be more synonyms, but this will suffice)Bergus: Goodnight Heather.
Silence
I can't describe how embarassed I was this time. At least the first time there had been some form of annonymity, but not this time.
So if anything is to be learned or gained from this post I want to pre-apologize for any "phantom" calls that you may get from me. If it happens to be a real emergency I will do my best to be coherent enough to let you know that it is in fact a real emergency. Otherwise I again hope that you can forgive my stupidity.
Here's a little p.s. to all, I will also do my best to assure that if in fact I do phantom call you, I will try to do it between the hours of noon and 6 p.m. :)
I'm not really sure that this is blog worthy, but since all of 3 or 4 people actually read this I may or may not be wasting only 3 or 4 people's time so here it goes. And also it was really bugging me so I figured this would be a good-not-so-public way to vent a little bit.
When it comes to technology I am challenged. Even when I have "mastered" some form of technology, I still manage to find a loop-hole and still screw things up. Such has been the case the last little while with my mobile cellular telephone ( I figure that if I write big and intelligent words, you may give me some credit for knowing big and intelligent words, rather than just thinking I'm stupid for the following stories.....)
About a year ago I decided I wanted to venture into the world of texting. Because of my challenge with technology I decided that I would likely do 'best' with a keyboard type phone,......we'll just say that predictive text and I have not, are not, and never will be friends, so alas I found the seemingly perfect keyboard flip phone (the type with the numbers on front, and when opened you find a magical keyboard). However, the phone and I have had a love-hate relationship. I LOVE its durability, I LOVE its snazzy look, and I LOVE it loyalty and dedication to me.......okay, back up scratch the last comment, forget loyalty and dedication. I HATE its magical ability to randomly and unknowingly dial friends, family, and the like at ANY given time of day, yes my phone is the master of the so-called "butt-dial" or to be more proper "butt0cks-dialing"......here are just a few examples:
1. There was the time my parents nearly drove 2 hours in the middle of the night to Logan because I rolled on my phone in the middle of the night and the blasted speed dial called my parents. They naturally panicked when they picked up the phone in a middle-of-the-night-stupor and I didn't answer. Of course I didn't answer, I was sleeping comfortably on top of my phone. But as far as they were concerned I was in mortal peril.
2. Another time I went through of phase of not only calling people from my pocket, but managing to leave rather lengthy messages. One message in particular was nearly 10 minutes long. The reciever of this message told me later that she had the pleasure of listening to me boss around a group of 2nd graders through the duration of the message. It's a good thing that she is not that judgemental.
3a. But the most recent occasion, is the one that brought about this blog. I had to call a family friend recently for a school assignment. The first time I called this friend we had a brief phone conversation, and that was it, or so I thought. I was carrying on a conversation with my sister on our front porch when I thought I heard someone.....it took me a minute to realize that the noise was coming from my phone. I was a little confused because it hadn't rung/rang/ringed, but I answered as though it had. The conversation went a little something like this:
Stranger: Hello?!?
Me: Um hi, did I call you or did you call me?
Annoyed stranger: You called me......
Confused me: Well I think I have the wrong number then
Even more annoyed stranger: How do you know you have the wrong number
Confused and embarassed, but honest me: Because I didn't mean to call anyone.....um yeah, so bye.
Silence
I looked at my phone, only to find that this wasn't a stranger, it was the husband of the friend that I had called earlier. Even thought he may not have known who the idiot was that he talked to on the phone, I still felt stupid to say the least.
I got over this incidence, but only until recently when it came to haunt again. So here is story #3b:
I had to call the family friend again recently concerning my school assignment. Again our conversation was brief and all was well. Until once again I was carrying on a conversation with my sister when I thought I heard a voice again.......I've grown accustomed to realize that these "voices" I hear generally come from my phone when it is in my pocket and I am leaning against something, such was the case this time. I looked at the phone mortified, not only because I had accidentally and unknowingly called this same person again, but the clock read......11:11.........p.m.
The conversation I had with the "stranger" this time was much more brief and to the point.....
Mortified me:Um Bergus, (No I don't know a Bergus, but you have to admit, that this was a creative alias) this is um Heather......I'm so sorry, my phone was in my pocket and I accidentally called so um I'm really sorry
Perturbed, annoyed, angry, (I'm pretty sure there could be more synonyms, but this will suffice)Bergus: Goodnight Heather.
Silence
I can't describe how embarassed I was this time. At least the first time there had been some form of annonymity, but not this time.
So if anything is to be learned or gained from this post I want to pre-apologize for any "phantom" calls that you may get from me. If it happens to be a real emergency I will do my best to be coherent enough to let you know that it is in fact a real emergency. Otherwise I again hope that you can forgive my stupidity.
Here's a little p.s. to all, I will also do my best to assure that if in fact I do phantom call you, I will try to do it between the hours of noon and 6 p.m. :)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The result of boredom Part 7
I can't say that this chapter is the best as far as the quality of the writing, in fact, I feel like the writing needs a bit of work. However, this is yet again one of my favorite chapters because it gives me, um I mean it gives Helga some hope for her future.
But alas, there is a bit of bad news........for the time being, this is the last of Helga's story. There is one other chapter that I know of that needs to be written, but I'll just say that it will probably take me a while to write, because I don't know quite how to address this certain story just yet. But just to give you a bit of a teaser........Helga finally got a second date, and a third, and........hahaha, well if I go on it will all sound misleading. So for now, enjoy the temporary end of Helga's journey.
The Break, The Change: A Twist in Helga’s Tale?
Unless you are reading Helga’s tale from beginning to end (or the end as it is written so far), all in one sitting, you may have noticed that it has been a long time since there have been any additional chapters in the life of Helga. There may be many reasons for this, but we will explore only two of them. The first being that Helga took a long dating hiatus. Now this wasn’t necessarily her decision, but it appears to be beneficial, at least in this chapter. This leads us to the second reason, this “dating hiatus” gave Helga time to think, to grow and mature as far as dating is concerned. Now if she could just convince the “right” guy of this she might not be contributing additional chapters, but unfortunately her interactions with the opposite sex thus far have not been beneficial in the long-run. But if you will call your attention to the title of the chapter you may see that there is a possibility of change in the seemingly fruitless tale of Helga,, and thus our story begins.
Twas the evening of a Sunday in the middle of July. Helga, along with her flat mates, a British term meaning “One that is a friend or an individual that unavoidably lives in the same residence” were attending a weekly social function put on by their church. There came a point in the function where female volunteers were asked to assist the male associates in charge. Due to the peer pressure of the flat mates, and other surrounding associates, Helga halfheartedly volunteered. Much to her surprise, her volunteering haphazardly resulted in Helga “winning a date” with a boy named Marty. This was something that she had not done for quite some time, that is going on a date, not actually winning a date with a boy named Marty, which is something that she had never done in her life. The time and details leading up to the date are of no importance. It is the actual date….well the end of the date where you may see that Helga’s fate, to an extent is changing. Or at least she is no longer the party bringing the awkwardness to the dates anymore.
Helga and Marty were walking home with others from their church group that had also “won a date.” Up to this point the date had actually faired pretty well, aside from one wacky little conversation (brought about by Marty) concerning the flying speed of a certain irritating insect that likes to fly around poo, and other stinky substances, including malodorous humans. The other couples had split off, the boys were being chivalrous as they walked the girls home. Marty on the other hand, hadn’t quite figured out chivalry yet. He looked at Helga and said something lame such as “um so do you, um like want me to walk you home?” Helga could barely believe that lack of chivalry. Um yes, of course he should walk her home but he asked “do you want?" She thought she’d sound too eager and expectant if she said “yes” and she thought that she would sound plain ol’ rude if she said “no” so she stuck with the foolproof “sure.”
So, he walked her home and began a basic, “Thanks, that was fun…..” which would have been sufficient but, again he seemed to shows signs of having less dating experience than Helga, which I might add would be pretty difficult since Helga has a very miniscule amount of dating experience. He paused, and then asked, “Um do you, want me to give you a hug?”
“What?!?,” Helga thought, “Is he really asking me? He couldn’t simply give the hug.” So again, Helga was left with multiple choices of how to answer, and again she stuck with the foolproof “sure.” So they shared an odd hug, (which was likely more odd for Helga than for Marty) and off he went. This was thankfully the end of Helga’s interactions with Marty, and the end to her first male-led-awkward date.
Although Helga had been on yet another date that would not result in a second date, she was okay with that. In fact, she was overjoyed. Not necessarily because she didn’t care to see Marty ever again, but because she realized something had occurred on this date that had never occurred on any other date. She was no longer the giver of awkwardness, but for the first time ever, she was the receiver of the awkwardness. Could this be a twist that will change Helga’s luck with dating? Only time will tell.
But alas, there is a bit of bad news........for the time being, this is the last of Helga's story. There is one other chapter that I know of that needs to be written, but I'll just say that it will probably take me a while to write, because I don't know quite how to address this certain story just yet. But just to give you a bit of a teaser........Helga finally got a second date, and a third, and........hahaha, well if I go on it will all sound misleading. So for now, enjoy the temporary end of Helga's journey.
The Break, The Change: A Twist in Helga’s Tale?
Unless you are reading Helga’s tale from beginning to end (or the end as it is written so far), all in one sitting, you may have noticed that it has been a long time since there have been any additional chapters in the life of Helga. There may be many reasons for this, but we will explore only two of them. The first being that Helga took a long dating hiatus. Now this wasn’t necessarily her decision, but it appears to be beneficial, at least in this chapter. This leads us to the second reason, this “dating hiatus” gave Helga time to think, to grow and mature as far as dating is concerned. Now if she could just convince the “right” guy of this she might not be contributing additional chapters, but unfortunately her interactions with the opposite sex thus far have not been beneficial in the long-run. But if you will call your attention to the title of the chapter you may see that there is a possibility of change in the seemingly fruitless tale of Helga,, and thus our story begins.
Twas the evening of a Sunday in the middle of July. Helga, along with her flat mates, a British term meaning “One that is a friend or an individual that unavoidably lives in the same residence” were attending a weekly social function put on by their church. There came a point in the function where female volunteers were asked to assist the male associates in charge. Due to the peer pressure of the flat mates, and other surrounding associates, Helga halfheartedly volunteered. Much to her surprise, her volunteering haphazardly resulted in Helga “winning a date” with a boy named Marty. This was something that she had not done for quite some time, that is going on a date, not actually winning a date with a boy named Marty, which is something that she had never done in her life. The time and details leading up to the date are of no importance. It is the actual date….well the end of the date where you may see that Helga’s fate, to an extent is changing. Or at least she is no longer the party bringing the awkwardness to the dates anymore.
Helga and Marty were walking home with others from their church group that had also “won a date.” Up to this point the date had actually faired pretty well, aside from one wacky little conversation (brought about by Marty) concerning the flying speed of a certain irritating insect that likes to fly around poo, and other stinky substances, including malodorous humans. The other couples had split off, the boys were being chivalrous as they walked the girls home. Marty on the other hand, hadn’t quite figured out chivalry yet. He looked at Helga and said something lame such as “um so do you, um like want me to walk you home?” Helga could barely believe that lack of chivalry. Um yes, of course he should walk her home but he asked “do you want?" She thought she’d sound too eager and expectant if she said “yes” and she thought that she would sound plain ol’ rude if she said “no” so she stuck with the foolproof “sure.”
So, he walked her home and began a basic, “Thanks, that was fun…..” which would have been sufficient but, again he seemed to shows signs of having less dating experience than Helga, which I might add would be pretty difficult since Helga has a very miniscule amount of dating experience. He paused, and then asked, “Um do you, want me to give you a hug?”
“What?!?,” Helga thought, “Is he really asking me? He couldn’t simply give the hug.” So again, Helga was left with multiple choices of how to answer, and again she stuck with the foolproof “sure.” So they shared an odd hug, (which was likely more odd for Helga than for Marty) and off he went. This was thankfully the end of Helga’s interactions with Marty, and the end to her first male-led-awkward date.
Although Helga had been on yet another date that would not result in a second date, she was okay with that. In fact, she was overjoyed. Not necessarily because she didn’t care to see Marty ever again, but because she realized something had occurred on this date that had never occurred on any other date. She was no longer the giver of awkwardness, but for the first time ever, she was the receiver of the awkwardness. Could this be a twist that will change Helga’s luck with dating? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The result of boredom Part 6
As I have looked back through the chapters I decided that this is probably one of my favorites. The reason being that aside from a few name changes to protect the true identity of certain people in Helga's life, this story is pretty much the truest of all Helga's tales. It really did happen. The other reason that I have found that I like this story so much is that I believe it gives some explanation to the troubles in Helga's so called love or lack-0f-love life.
The only other thing that I wish to inform you about this chapter was that it was the only chapter that I didn't have a title for. I literally gave it a name .2 seconds ago, and I'm not entirely certain I like it. So please leave comments and/or suggestions regarding the title of this chapter. Well I'm off, I've got to go give Helga a pep talk on the proper ways to obtain a date.....haha who am I kidding?
Chapter Six: Helga’s Dumb Brother……I Mean Luck
If you have read the first five chapters of this book, you may be asking yourself how Helga ever got to be as ill-fated as she is. The truth of it all is that it can possibly be blamed on her brother, Nephi. Nephi can be described as a typical older brother being much elated to see any of his five sisters, Myrna, Bertha, Asia, Liola, or Helga be annoyed because of something he had done to them. His devious deeds towards his sisters were often for his pure entertainment, and in Helga’s case caused her to say stupid things to a beautiful boy all because of a nasty lie that Nephi had told her.
It all happened in one fifteen minute recess when Helga was in the third grade at the wee age of eight or so and Nephi was in fifth grade. The two siblings didn’t interact very often during school recesses, in fact they didn’t interact very much outside of school either, but for some uncanny reason Nephi approached Helga at recess that day. Helga wasn’t quite sure why her brother had any desire to acknowledge her as his sister that day, especially since he was with his friends. But she thought, “ah, what the heck? Maybe he’s going to be nice to me.” Poor Helga.
Nephi came to bring Helga the good tidings that Joel Silverton, only the best looking third grader in the whole school, maybe even the best looking third grader in the whole city, had an intense love for her. Although Helga had the grand desire to believe Nephi, she knew from past experiences that she needed to be wary about believing the words that had come from his lips. She was completely torn, because in all honesty who wouldn’t want to believe that the most ravishing third grader in the valley was in love with them? Nephi, sensed Helga’s uncertainty, thus he repeatedly insisted that what he had said was true. He even told Helga that Joel Silverton had been the one to tell him this. Although she fibbed, Helga finally told Nephi that she believed him. Nephi seemed satisfied so he finally left.
After hearing of the possibility of such a handsome young man showing interest in her, Helga couldn’t get back to her game of hopscotch. The possibility of such a crush in her behalf was far too distracting. She had to know if Nephi was in fact telling the truth and Joel was the only individual who could answer this question.
Helga’s mission for the remainder of recess was to find Joel and confront him on the issue. Though things have since changed, Helga was a brave individual back in her time. She scanned the playground a few times, until she spotted him playing a game of tag with his friends. He looked as alluring as ever. It didn’t matter to Helga that he was on the other side of the playground, she had important business to conduct and there was no limit to the amount of land between them that she wasn’t willing to yell across. YES, I did say yell. She yelled across the playground so loud that she could have gotten any individual’s attention within a one mile radius of the school.
She started the imperative conversation with Joel by shouting, “HEY JOEL, MY BROTHER SAID THAT YOU LOVE ME!!!!”
With a perplexed look on his face Joel yelled back, “WHAT?”
“MY BROTHER NEPHI SAID THAT YOU LOVE ME,” Helga repeated insistently.
Poor, poor Helga. Joel gave no response to her. To her sad dismay, he smirked at his friends and continued his game of tag. It was then that Helga began to feel sick as she realized the nasty trick that her brother had played on her. Little did Nephi know or suspect that Helga would confront Joel on the matter. He merely thought he was playing a harmless, yet clever prank on his kid sister. It’s heartbreaking for me to have to inform you as the reader that the humiliating result of Nephi’s prank was only the beginning of a long hard love life for Helga.
Because it is a complicated situation, it is hard to say if Nephi can be blamed for Helga’s ongoing misfortunes. Many boys that happen to be older brothers side with Nephi, reasoning that the aforementioned story provides evidence that suggests that this is the case, but I leave it up to you to decide.
The only other thing that I wish to inform you about this chapter was that it was the only chapter that I didn't have a title for. I literally gave it a name .2 seconds ago, and I'm not entirely certain I like it. So please leave comments and/or suggestions regarding the title of this chapter. Well I'm off, I've got to go give Helga a pep talk on the proper ways to obtain a date.....haha who am I kidding?
Chapter Six: Helga’s Dumb Brother……I Mean Luck
If you have read the first five chapters of this book, you may be asking yourself how Helga ever got to be as ill-fated as she is. The truth of it all is that it can possibly be blamed on her brother, Nephi. Nephi can be described as a typical older brother being much elated to see any of his five sisters, Myrna, Bertha, Asia, Liola, or Helga be annoyed because of something he had done to them. His devious deeds towards his sisters were often for his pure entertainment, and in Helga’s case caused her to say stupid things to a beautiful boy all because of a nasty lie that Nephi had told her.
It all happened in one fifteen minute recess when Helga was in the third grade at the wee age of eight or so and Nephi was in fifth grade. The two siblings didn’t interact very often during school recesses, in fact they didn’t interact very much outside of school either, but for some uncanny reason Nephi approached Helga at recess that day. Helga wasn’t quite sure why her brother had any desire to acknowledge her as his sister that day, especially since he was with his friends. But she thought, “ah, what the heck? Maybe he’s going to be nice to me.” Poor Helga.
Nephi came to bring Helga the good tidings that Joel Silverton, only the best looking third grader in the whole school, maybe even the best looking third grader in the whole city, had an intense love for her. Although Helga had the grand desire to believe Nephi, she knew from past experiences that she needed to be wary about believing the words that had come from his lips. She was completely torn, because in all honesty who wouldn’t want to believe that the most ravishing third grader in the valley was in love with them? Nephi, sensed Helga’s uncertainty, thus he repeatedly insisted that what he had said was true. He even told Helga that Joel Silverton had been the one to tell him this. Although she fibbed, Helga finally told Nephi that she believed him. Nephi seemed satisfied so he finally left.
After hearing of the possibility of such a handsome young man showing interest in her, Helga couldn’t get back to her game of hopscotch. The possibility of such a crush in her behalf was far too distracting. She had to know if Nephi was in fact telling the truth and Joel was the only individual who could answer this question.
Helga’s mission for the remainder of recess was to find Joel and confront him on the issue. Though things have since changed, Helga was a brave individual back in her time. She scanned the playground a few times, until she spotted him playing a game of tag with his friends. He looked as alluring as ever. It didn’t matter to Helga that he was on the other side of the playground, she had important business to conduct and there was no limit to the amount of land between them that she wasn’t willing to yell across. YES, I did say yell. She yelled across the playground so loud that she could have gotten any individual’s attention within a one mile radius of the school.
She started the imperative conversation with Joel by shouting, “HEY JOEL, MY BROTHER SAID THAT YOU LOVE ME!!!!”
With a perplexed look on his face Joel yelled back, “WHAT?”
“MY BROTHER NEPHI SAID THAT YOU LOVE ME,” Helga repeated insistently.
Poor, poor Helga. Joel gave no response to her. To her sad dismay, he smirked at his friends and continued his game of tag. It was then that Helga began to feel sick as she realized the nasty trick that her brother had played on her. Little did Nephi know or suspect that Helga would confront Joel on the matter. He merely thought he was playing a harmless, yet clever prank on his kid sister. It’s heartbreaking for me to have to inform you as the reader that the humiliating result of Nephi’s prank was only the beginning of a long hard love life for Helga.
Because it is a complicated situation, it is hard to say if Nephi can be blamed for Helga’s ongoing misfortunes. Many boys that happen to be older brothers side with Nephi, reasoning that the aforementioned story provides evidence that suggests that this is the case, but I leave it up to you to decide.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
The result of boredom Part 5
I must admit that I hesitated a bit to even put this up, but it was one of the original chapter so I didn't feel like I could leave it out. Have at it.
Chapter Five: Your Own Lack of Love Does Not Permit You to Meddle in the Lives of Those Who Have Already Found Love, Or Are At Least Closer to Having Found Love Than You
You may have noticed that the title for this particular chapter is rather lengthy. I assure you that this is no mistake. In fact, I would encourage you to read it over again many times so that you can learn of its truth. I sincerely hope that you can trust that it is true by just reading it. Oh how I wish that our dear friend Helga could have read of such a truth some time ago. Perhaps if she read something such as this she may not have made another idiotic error. However, it saddens the inner fibers of my being to say that because of the lack of such a document for Helga to have read, she did in fact meddle in the life of somebody that had already found love, or was at least closer to having found love than she was.
This story begins in a far off land where Helga and a few of her pals were on a semi-educational tour. I suppose that it would be important to mention that Helga began the semi-educational tour with only a few female pals, but as the tour progressed, because of the girls’ stunning beauty; they also became acquaintances with a few hotties that were also on the tour. One of these hotties stood out from the others, his name was Enrique. Enrique had a dazzling smile and a dashing personality. I suppose it isn’t too surprising that Helga began to crush on Enrique. Helga was thinking of confessing her feelings to her female pals, but discovered that she was a little too late. One day her female pal, Ariel, confided in the rest of them that she had begun to have feelings toward Enrique. Although it took Helga longer than expected, she let her feelings toward Enrique diminish into nothing, figuring that Ariel had more of chance with him anyway.
As the semi-educational tour moved onward Ariel’s feelings for Enrique grew. But it seemed that Ariel’s feelings were not the only ones growing. Helga and her two other female pals, Amy and Natasha, began to notice that Enrique seemed to show particular interest in Ariel. He was kind to all of them, but he looked at Ariel in a way that showed his obvious interest in her. Ariel at first didn’t believe this, but Helga, Amy, and Natasha constantly assured her that he had an obvious interest in her, so they were certain that at some point during the tour the two love birds would pair off.
I’m sad to say that as the semi-educational tour came to a close Ariel and Enrique were only friends, so I’m also sorry to report that Helga decided that this could not be the end result. She decided to take matters into her own hands.
Because they had such a wonderful time on the trip Helga couldn’t bear to not keep in touch with her new friends. Before the trip ended she decided to exchange e-mail addresses with Enrique. Of course Helga wrote him right away. In the e-mail she covered the basics such as “What’s up?” “I wish we were still in a far off land on our semi-educational tour”, and other usual e-mail topics. Sadly, the usual was just not enough for Helga. As was written before concerning Ariel and Enrique’s lack to pair off on the tour, Helga decided she must say something more to Enrique. After writing her brief e-mail and signing it, Sincerely Helga, she added a “p.s.” and I quote, “P.S. Ariel digs you,” end of quote. She then pressed ‘send’ and away the e-mail went. Helga just couldn’t help herself from meddling in others’ potential love lives.
In Helga’s defense, let me assure you her act of meddling was not an act of jealousy but of shear stupidity, she really meant no harm. Let me further assure you that no harm was caused, but that still didn’t excuse Helga’s behavior. As the title clearly states, her lack of love did not permit her to meddle in the lives of those who had already found love, or at least were closer to having found love than her, and such was the case with Ariel. Even if your love life is non-existent, let me promise you this one thing; you will avoid any sort of messy embarrassment if you just mind your own business as Helga should have.
P.S. I’m not really certain if Ariel was angry at Helga for meddling in her business, but to this day they are still friends. Also, if I were Helga (and I’m not) I would tell Ariel that I was deeply sorry for writing such a stupid thing in an e-mail to Enrique.
Chapter Five: Your Own Lack of Love Does Not Permit You to Meddle in the Lives of Those Who Have Already Found Love, Or Are At Least Closer to Having Found Love Than You
You may have noticed that the title for this particular chapter is rather lengthy. I assure you that this is no mistake. In fact, I would encourage you to read it over again many times so that you can learn of its truth. I sincerely hope that you can trust that it is true by just reading it. Oh how I wish that our dear friend Helga could have read of such a truth some time ago. Perhaps if she read something such as this she may not have made another idiotic error. However, it saddens the inner fibers of my being to say that because of the lack of such a document for Helga to have read, she did in fact meddle in the life of somebody that had already found love, or was at least closer to having found love than she was.
This story begins in a far off land where Helga and a few of her pals were on a semi-educational tour. I suppose that it would be important to mention that Helga began the semi-educational tour with only a few female pals, but as the tour progressed, because of the girls’ stunning beauty; they also became acquaintances with a few hotties that were also on the tour. One of these hotties stood out from the others, his name was Enrique. Enrique had a dazzling smile and a dashing personality. I suppose it isn’t too surprising that Helga began to crush on Enrique. Helga was thinking of confessing her feelings to her female pals, but discovered that she was a little too late. One day her female pal, Ariel, confided in the rest of them that she had begun to have feelings toward Enrique. Although it took Helga longer than expected, she let her feelings toward Enrique diminish into nothing, figuring that Ariel had more of chance with him anyway.
As the semi-educational tour moved onward Ariel’s feelings for Enrique grew. But it seemed that Ariel’s feelings were not the only ones growing. Helga and her two other female pals, Amy and Natasha, began to notice that Enrique seemed to show particular interest in Ariel. He was kind to all of them, but he looked at Ariel in a way that showed his obvious interest in her. Ariel at first didn’t believe this, but Helga, Amy, and Natasha constantly assured her that he had an obvious interest in her, so they were certain that at some point during the tour the two love birds would pair off.
I’m sad to say that as the semi-educational tour came to a close Ariel and Enrique were only friends, so I’m also sorry to report that Helga decided that this could not be the end result. She decided to take matters into her own hands.
Because they had such a wonderful time on the trip Helga couldn’t bear to not keep in touch with her new friends. Before the trip ended she decided to exchange e-mail addresses with Enrique. Of course Helga wrote him right away. In the e-mail she covered the basics such as “What’s up?” “I wish we were still in a far off land on our semi-educational tour”, and other usual e-mail topics. Sadly, the usual was just not enough for Helga. As was written before concerning Ariel and Enrique’s lack to pair off on the tour, Helga decided she must say something more to Enrique. After writing her brief e-mail and signing it, Sincerely Helga, she added a “p.s.” and I quote, “P.S. Ariel digs you,” end of quote. She then pressed ‘send’ and away the e-mail went. Helga just couldn’t help herself from meddling in others’ potential love lives.
In Helga’s defense, let me assure you her act of meddling was not an act of jealousy but of shear stupidity, she really meant no harm. Let me further assure you that no harm was caused, but that still didn’t excuse Helga’s behavior. As the title clearly states, her lack of love did not permit her to meddle in the lives of those who had already found love, or at least were closer to having found love than her, and such was the case with Ariel. Even if your love life is non-existent, let me promise you this one thing; you will avoid any sort of messy embarrassment if you just mind your own business as Helga should have.
P.S. I’m not really certain if Ariel was angry at Helga for meddling in her business, but to this day they are still friends. Also, if I were Helga (and I’m not) I would tell Ariel that I was deeply sorry for writing such a stupid thing in an e-mail to Enrique.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The result of boredom Part 4
I don't know what my deal is, or why this even matters, but I kind of feel like I need to give a brief explanation of each chapter. When I wrote this next chapter I was running low on Helga experiences, because if you have not guessed already, Helga's dating life tends to have long dating hiatuses. For those of you that may understand things in a mathematical way I'll give you a simple formula:
Helga's love life - (minus) dates with boys + Helga's occasional bouts of awkwardness = a pretty boring "love life"
Basically, I didn't have any stories or was kind of in a writing slump and came up with this next chapter that has absolutely nothing to do with Helga. But no worries, if this is boring or stupid, or whatever to any of you, Helga will be back next week with more of her "exciting adventures."
Helga's love life - (minus) dates with boys + Helga's occasional bouts of awkwardness = a pretty boring "love life"
Basically, I didn't have any stories or was kind of in a writing slump and came up with this next chapter that has absolutely nothing to do with Helga. But no worries, if this is boring or stupid, or whatever to any of you, Helga will be back next week with more of her "exciting adventures."
Chapter Four: Spring Love and the Bitter Bystander
Thus far into our journey we have learned a great deal from our dear friend Helga and her many…..adventures, yes adventures is a nice word. However in this chapter we will give poor Helga a break. Who knows? In the time it takes you to read this, she might gain wisdom and not so many blunders for herself.
It would also be wise for me to forewarn any reader that they may be offended by what I have to say. Before you consider taking such offense I insist that you ask yourself whether you are offended or merely saddened by the absence of love in your life. However, if you are one of such a populace that is easily offended you may want to skip this chapter altogether. If you choose to keep reading, don’t you dare say I didn’t warn you.
I, with the help of a friend we’ll refer to as Dr. Z. Love, would like to promote a theory. As you may know, a theory is not anything to be proven true necessarily, but instead something proposed and believed by high authorities with much acumen, to others that may be less knowledgeable on the given matter that the theory relates to. (If you had trouble reading and making sense of the previous sentence the first time you read through it, you are likely less knowledgeable than Dr. Z Love and myself, but don’t worry, it’s supposed to work like that.)
Before formally presenting the theory to you for consideration, I must first explain my thoughts on a troubling matter that later made great sense because of reading an article written by Dr. Z. Love.
One fine spring day as I was walking on campus from one place to another place, and then to yet another, I noticed something. I didn’t just notice it with my eyes, I noticed it also with the emptiness of my heart; I couldn’t walk five paces without taking notice of numerous flirtatious couples. Each of which were holding hands, staring deeply into each others eyes, and some even exchanging what I imagined to be sweet nothings into each others ears. Many say love is a wonderful thing, so witnessing so many of the glorious, but public acts of love should have made me happy, but quite frankly it did not. Instead I found myself bitter, with a plethora of ghastly thoughts towards these people. These thoughts and feelings soon began to take over my mind. At one point I almost felt like charging through a couple’s interlocked hands while screaming, “Red Rover, Red Rover, get the heck out of my way and move over!” However, because of the recent rise of people suing other people for silly things such as receiving a broken arm because of a lunatic breaking through a couple’s interdigitated hands, I decided it was in my best interest to refrain from such an act. It wasn’t until I read a simple article, written by Dr. Z. Love, that my attitude began to change.
The doctor acknowledged the phenomenon of scores of couples beginning to emerge during the spring months. He stated that it was natural. He also took notice of those like me who felt bitter about this dreadful situation, but low and behold, he then wrote some of the most beautiful and consoling words that my eyes have ever read, and thus came about his brilliant theory which I will further advertise.
So eloquently it was written, “It’s all the uuuuugggly people that hook up in the spring because all of the beautiful people already hooked up in the fall.”
I guess it’s technically true that I can’t consider myself to be one of the beautiful people because I haven’t ever gained romantic companionship in the fall, but at least I can say I’m not ugly because I haven’t ever paired off with anyone in the spring, come to think of it I haven’t really paired off with anyone at anytime of year, but that is beside the point. Thanks to Doctor Z. Love I now know that when I begin my search for the perfect man I can start looking in the spring, but it might be best if we just stayed friends until the fall.
You would be wise to pay attention to the following advertisement of Dr. Z. Love’s theory because it just might change you from a glass being half-empty to being half-full kind of person. I full heartedly endorse the doctor’s theory. It does not matter that the sole purpose of the theory may be merely to comfort the bitter bystanders during the difficult months of March, April, May, and even part of June. It is my personal belief that if through out all eternity, the theory helps only one individual, then it will have done its duty as a theory. However, it is my hope that it will soothe many more souls than just one. So I now invite any and all single individuals that may feel disgruntled when spring rolls around to seriously ponder the theory, and then become a believer. If you do I can promise you that you’ll see your surroundings in a new light. As a personal example, I no longer feel the sudden urge to play my nasty version of Red Rover. Instead, I’ve taken notice to the flowers blooming, birds singing, and other spring-like attributes, such as water quietly trickling in a brook.
Many of you may now have a decision to make. To believe or not to believe. I’ve told you what believing has done for me and now I can only hope that you will join me and the doctor on the other side where the grass is greener.
Thus far into our journey we have learned a great deal from our dear friend Helga and her many…..adventures, yes adventures is a nice word. However in this chapter we will give poor Helga a break. Who knows? In the time it takes you to read this, she might gain wisdom and not so many blunders for herself.
It would also be wise for me to forewarn any reader that they may be offended by what I have to say. Before you consider taking such offense I insist that you ask yourself whether you are offended or merely saddened by the absence of love in your life. However, if you are one of such a populace that is easily offended you may want to skip this chapter altogether. If you choose to keep reading, don’t you dare say I didn’t warn you.
I, with the help of a friend we’ll refer to as Dr. Z. Love, would like to promote a theory. As you may know, a theory is not anything to be proven true necessarily, but instead something proposed and believed by high authorities with much acumen, to others that may be less knowledgeable on the given matter that the theory relates to. (If you had trouble reading and making sense of the previous sentence the first time you read through it, you are likely less knowledgeable than Dr. Z Love and myself, but don’t worry, it’s supposed to work like that.)
Before formally presenting the theory to you for consideration, I must first explain my thoughts on a troubling matter that later made great sense because of reading an article written by Dr. Z. Love.
One fine spring day as I was walking on campus from one place to another place, and then to yet another, I noticed something. I didn’t just notice it with my eyes, I noticed it also with the emptiness of my heart; I couldn’t walk five paces without taking notice of numerous flirtatious couples. Each of which were holding hands, staring deeply into each others eyes, and some even exchanging what I imagined to be sweet nothings into each others ears. Many say love is a wonderful thing, so witnessing so many of the glorious, but public acts of love should have made me happy, but quite frankly it did not. Instead I found myself bitter, with a plethora of ghastly thoughts towards these people. These thoughts and feelings soon began to take over my mind. At one point I almost felt like charging through a couple’s interlocked hands while screaming, “Red Rover, Red Rover, get the heck out of my way and move over!” However, because of the recent rise of people suing other people for silly things such as receiving a broken arm because of a lunatic breaking through a couple’s interdigitated hands, I decided it was in my best interest to refrain from such an act. It wasn’t until I read a simple article, written by Dr. Z. Love, that my attitude began to change.
The doctor acknowledged the phenomenon of scores of couples beginning to emerge during the spring months. He stated that it was natural. He also took notice of those like me who felt bitter about this dreadful situation, but low and behold, he then wrote some of the most beautiful and consoling words that my eyes have ever read, and thus came about his brilliant theory which I will further advertise.
So eloquently it was written, “It’s all the uuuuugggly people that hook up in the spring because all of the beautiful people already hooked up in the fall.”
I guess it’s technically true that I can’t consider myself to be one of the beautiful people because I haven’t ever gained romantic companionship in the fall, but at least I can say I’m not ugly because I haven’t ever paired off with anyone in the spring, come to think of it I haven’t really paired off with anyone at anytime of year, but that is beside the point. Thanks to Doctor Z. Love I now know that when I begin my search for the perfect man I can start looking in the spring, but it might be best if we just stayed friends until the fall.
You would be wise to pay attention to the following advertisement of Dr. Z. Love’s theory because it just might change you from a glass being half-empty to being half-full kind of person. I full heartedly endorse the doctor’s theory. It does not matter that the sole purpose of the theory may be merely to comfort the bitter bystanders during the difficult months of March, April, May, and even part of June. It is my personal belief that if through out all eternity, the theory helps only one individual, then it will have done its duty as a theory. However, it is my hope that it will soothe many more souls than just one. So I now invite any and all single individuals that may feel disgruntled when spring rolls around to seriously ponder the theory, and then become a believer. If you do I can promise you that you’ll see your surroundings in a new light. As a personal example, I no longer feel the sudden urge to play my nasty version of Red Rover. Instead, I’ve taken notice to the flowers blooming, birds singing, and other spring-like attributes, such as water quietly trickling in a brook.
Many of you may now have a decision to make. To believe or not to believe. I’ve told you what believing has done for me and now I can only hope that you will join me and the doctor on the other side where the grass is greener.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The result of boredom Part 3
Nothing too special here. I'm just posting these in the order that I wrote them, so have at it.
Chapter 3: Long Distance Relationships- The Reality of How Far is Too Far.
I can’t quote any source, but I've heard from many people that it's true that long distance relationships, for a number of reasons, don't work out. I full heartedly agree. Now before any of you that are exceptions begin to kick and scream and say that it worked for you, it is of the utmost necessity that you hear me out, for you will surely find yourself agreeing with my view. Those of you that hold little trust in my word will perhaps find that trust from our beloved friend Helga. Helga has never been in a serious relationship, although she has been committed in a long distance relationship many times. Perhaps you are a bit confused. I can’t promise that Helga’s story will make things more comprehensible for you, but I will indubitably make the effort.
Once upon a brisk December evening, Helga’s friend Alice called and asked her if she would like to be set up on a blind date. Helga had not been on a date since high school; because of this she was anything but hesitant when she accepted the offer. Alice only told Helga that the boy’s name was Ned and that he was quite the gentleman. Boy oh boy, Helga was ever so thrilled.
Now I won’t give you any details of the date, because they are not important to the true purpose of the story. However, I will let you know that Helga had a grand ol’ time on the date. She even recorded it in her precious diary so that she and Ned’s posterity would later find out how this splendid couple met. (If you are unsure if you read the last sentence correctly I invite you to read it again and again until you are convinced that your eyes are not playing tricks on you.)
Helga had such an amazing time on that date that she began to daydream about her future with Ned. She dreamt of Ned calling her up later that night to ask her on a second date. She dreamt of the many dates after that. She even dreamt of their first tender kiss under the stars standing on top of the A at midnight so that she could become a True Aggie the correct way. Helga found herself dreaming day in and day out. She was oblivious to the fact that this was to be the first and last date that she would ever share with Ned. Poor, poor Helga.
There is the possibility that you may have misunderstood me when you read the first paragraph. You likely thought that by long distance I meant the type of relationship in which the involved parties are separated by miles and miles of land, thus they are compelled to keep in touch through writing and telephone conversations, and due to new technological advances they can even send an e-mail of endearment. However this is not what I meant, nor was this the type of long distance relationship that Helga has found herself involved in many times. By long distance I meant the type of relationship that is so long distance that it is literally non-existent. In other words, it is a relationship that only exists inside one’s head, such as the one that Helga dreamt of with Ned.
This is not meant to discourage you from ever daydreaming after experiencing a fabulous date such as Helga’s with Ned, but there is a limit that you must pay attention to. This limit is one that Helga has ignored many times, later finding herself hurt, or as the surfers say “bummed out” because she has let this long distance relationship go on far too long. Helga has experienced many unfortunate events in her love life. The cynic might even argue that because of these experiences Helga isn’t even qualified to say that she has a love life to speak of. I plead with you to learn from this quandary of Helga’s.
In conclusion, I sincerely hope that the next time you have an awe-inspiring date, when you go home to write in your diary, think of Helga and the awful state that you may find yourself in if you follow her wretched example of taking a long distance relationship too far.
I can’t quote any source, but I've heard from many people that it's true that long distance relationships, for a number of reasons, don't work out. I full heartedly agree. Now before any of you that are exceptions begin to kick and scream and say that it worked for you, it is of the utmost necessity that you hear me out, for you will surely find yourself agreeing with my view. Those of you that hold little trust in my word will perhaps find that trust from our beloved friend Helga. Helga has never been in a serious relationship, although she has been committed in a long distance relationship many times. Perhaps you are a bit confused. I can’t promise that Helga’s story will make things more comprehensible for you, but I will indubitably make the effort.
Once upon a brisk December evening, Helga’s friend Alice called and asked her if she would like to be set up on a blind date. Helga had not been on a date since high school; because of this she was anything but hesitant when she accepted the offer. Alice only told Helga that the boy’s name was Ned and that he was quite the gentleman. Boy oh boy, Helga was ever so thrilled.
Now I won’t give you any details of the date, because they are not important to the true purpose of the story. However, I will let you know that Helga had a grand ol’ time on the date. She even recorded it in her precious diary so that she and Ned’s posterity would later find out how this splendid couple met. (If you are unsure if you read the last sentence correctly I invite you to read it again and again until you are convinced that your eyes are not playing tricks on you.)
Helga had such an amazing time on that date that she began to daydream about her future with Ned. She dreamt of Ned calling her up later that night to ask her on a second date. She dreamt of the many dates after that. She even dreamt of their first tender kiss under the stars standing on top of the A at midnight so that she could become a True Aggie the correct way. Helga found herself dreaming day in and day out. She was oblivious to the fact that this was to be the first and last date that she would ever share with Ned. Poor, poor Helga.
There is the possibility that you may have misunderstood me when you read the first paragraph. You likely thought that by long distance I meant the type of relationship in which the involved parties are separated by miles and miles of land, thus they are compelled to keep in touch through writing and telephone conversations, and due to new technological advances they can even send an e-mail of endearment. However this is not what I meant, nor was this the type of long distance relationship that Helga has found herself involved in many times. By long distance I meant the type of relationship that is so long distance that it is literally non-existent. In other words, it is a relationship that only exists inside one’s head, such as the one that Helga dreamt of with Ned.
This is not meant to discourage you from ever daydreaming after experiencing a fabulous date such as Helga’s with Ned, but there is a limit that you must pay attention to. This limit is one that Helga has ignored many times, later finding herself hurt, or as the surfers say “bummed out” because she has let this long distance relationship go on far too long. Helga has experienced many unfortunate events in her love life. The cynic might even argue that because of these experiences Helga isn’t even qualified to say that she has a love life to speak of. I plead with you to learn from this quandary of Helga’s.
In conclusion, I sincerely hope that the next time you have an awe-inspiring date, when you go home to write in your diary, think of Helga and the awful state that you may find yourself in if you follow her wretched example of taking a long distance relationship too far.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
The result of boredom Part 2
Out of the six "chapters" written in the "book" this is the one that seems to have been overlooked in editing. As I was reading it, and changing things up I realized I should probably leave a bit of a disclaimer. When I wrote it, I didn't actually want to add details relating to an incident/kiss involved in the story. Reason one being that I didn't really want to write any details, and reason two being, I couldn't think of how to write about the details. This is just a story that is told much better in person. As I read this chapter, and began changing things, I realized that it sounds a lot more serious than it actually was. Let me assure you that it really wasn't that big of a deal, I just haven't figured out how to add the details (thus shedding more light on the whole incident) Someday I may try to add them, but it will probably be a while longer, until then this is the partially complete, partially edited Chapter 2. (SERIOUSLY, I NEED SOME HELP ON THIS ONE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE SUGGESTIONS)
Chapter two: The Officer’s Advice
You may remember the D.A.R.E. officer in fifth grade teaching you to say this when the "cool kids" offered you a joint or an alcoholic beverage, or for that matter, any other substance that may do your body harm, and/or is illegal in any form. I believe the exact wording may have been, "No matter what you think kids, it is okay to just say no." Now you may remember poor Helga from chapter One. We all hoped that she might learn to be smarter when it came to boys, but I have to tell you that she didn't. I wish I could extend the D.A.R.E officer’s advice for Helga, and let her know that even if it made her feel mean, it is still okay to “just say no”. So once again this short chapter will illustrate for you another of Helga’s mistakes, and how you can learn to avoid them by NOT following in her footsteps.
Once upon a time on a warm April day, Helga was daydreaming of what the "perfect" first kiss would be like. She was only one of two members left in what we'll call the "NO KISS CLUB" (I know you may think that this sounds like the most riveting club in the world, but when you’re only one of two members, as Helga was, you really would hope to get rid of your membership as soon as humanly possible.) Helga didn't like feeling left out, again, as most of her pals had ditched out of the club previous to this incident. She was determined that she would indeed get that first kiss.
In the years past she had always made some rules for herself about the occurrence of this first kiss, for example, first going on a few dates with the boy before ever locking lips with him. This rule then changed to at least having a crush on the boy, this rule then changed to at least finding this boy attractive, but as you will soon find out Helga ditched everyone one of those rules in the quest for her first kiss. Mind you I didn't write “perfect” first kiss, and that is due to the fact that in all the ditching of the rules, Helga managed also to ditch the idea of the "perfect" first kiss.
On a later warm April day a few days after the warm April day previously spoken of Helga was invited by her roommates and friends to attend something we'll refer to as “True Aggie Night”. Helga had always dreamed of someday becoming a “True Aggie”, this seemed like the perfect opportunity. So that night when the clock struck Quarter to twelve, up to campus they went. Oh how naïve Helga was. She didn't realize that she was going to have to kiss someone to gain the title of said “True Aggie”. When she got up there she was no longer sure if she wanted the title, was it really worth it? Sadly, to Helga that day it was.
To make this oh so long story so much lesser long, I'll try to summarize. Helga met a boy that night, his name was Jose. Jose seemed to show interest in Helga. After a brief introduction Jose offered to make Helga a “True Aggie”. I'm oh so sorry to say that Helga forgot the advice of her 5th grade D.A.R.E. officer. she didn't know what to say and replied, "SURE." Helga may have gained one title that night, but Jose robber her of another. She could no longer be the president of the "NO KISS CLUB".
Though there are many more details to this story they are not relevant to the moral. Helga wasn't quite ready for that first kiss, and would have been much better off to have "just said no" So girls, bless you hearts, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation to that of Helga's, I plead with you, JUST SAY NO.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The result of boredom Part 1
I know that there are probably a very small group of people that actually look at my blog, but I've decided that this will be me publishing spot. For the next couple of posts (or about once a week) I'm just going to post a little something. It's a little nerdy, a little childish, a little crazy, and a little fun. For those that have read this before, you have 2 choices....you can read this again, although not a lot has changed, or you can skip it and decide yo have something far better to do with your time. The choice is yours, do with it as you will. This is just a little something that I started writing in college when I was bored and learned of a girl name Helga, and many of her dating blunders. Yes, she has enough to write a 6 chapter book (so far)...... So here it goes:
Chapter One: How to Avoid Embarrassment When a Melvin Enters Your Life
We'll begin this short book by telling a story about a girl named Helga. Before I get off to telling the story, I should perhaps warn you that Helga wasn’t and sometimes still isn’t very gifted when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite gender. However, I firmly believe that if you will read of her experiences, you might save yourself from having some of these same mishaps. And thus we shall begin our instructive journey.
Helga had the hots for her neighbor named Melvin. Melvin was a swell boy and treated Helga kindly. Bless Helga’s heart; she didn’t know that Melvin treated everyone kindly. Helga thought that his kindness meant that he, in return, had the hots for her. Poor Helga.
One night Helga decided to invite Melvin over for dinner so that she could declare her undying love for him. This would have been fine, but Helga chose a bad day, she decided that Valentine's Day would be the perfect day. Helga made a mistake though, she forgot to invite Melvin prior to that day, and from there things got ugly. The night of Valentine's Day came and Helga worked for a good long hour in the kitchen making delectable chicken enchiladas. After they were cooked and just waiting to be eaten she decided then would be a good time to offer her hospitality to Melvin. She walked over to his apartment and knocked on the door and then walked in. Melvin was sitting on the couch looking debonair. Helga immediately looked at the floor and managed to stutter, “Ummmmm, I made some delectable chicken enchiladas if you want some." Without waiting for a reply she left.
That was a lonely Valentines Day for Helga because Melvin never showed up. Her heart was shattered.
A few days passed and Helga didn't see much of Melvin. Then one seemingly beautiful day he sat by her on the bus and they started to have what she considered to be a deep and meaningful conversation. Things seemed to be going great. Melvin apologized that he had missed out on Helga’s hospitality a few nights before, explaining that he had already eaten, and she had left before he had time to tell her this. Helga’s heart immediately became whole again. The conversation continued magnificently, making Helga think that this might be the day that Melvin was going to ask her out on a date. Poor Helga. After the bus ride they got off and proceeded toward their apartments. Continuing their conversation, Melvin went on to tell Helga how excited he was for the weekend because he was going home to have a late celebration of Valentine's Day with his girlfriend Barbara. Helga’s heart was broken once again. She had been certain that she would be Melvin’s only true love, and then to her utter embarrassment and dismay she would have to accept the fact that because of Barbara’s ugly existence, Helga and Melvin were never to be more than friends. After a few moments of silence, for which purpose Helga tried to come up with a fitting response that would hide her pain, she ended up blurting out something rather stupid that only made apparent the hurt and embarrassment that she was experiencing. The details of what Helga said are not important; the significance to the story being that she said something utterly brainless when it would have been smarter had she either taken more time to come up with a more intellectual response or not said anything at all. But Helga just couldn’t manage to keep her mouth shut, thus embarrassing herself in a rather awkward manner.
The purpose of Helga's tragic story is to exhibit that although she had no chance of romance with Melvin, she could have saved herself from embarrassment, but instead she opened her mouth and spoke senseless words to him. For any of you girls out there that are a "Helga" and have a "Melvin" in your life, when you have a sudden urge to say something, but fear that it might come out wrong, trust in the words quoted in a popular song, “you say it best when you say nothing at all,” thus nourishing your chance to have a functional friendship with the Melvin in your life. Consider this the first lesson, and hopefully the only lesson for you to learn about unrequited love. I wish much luck to all the Helga's of the world.
So there you go, that is it. For now at least, as always feel free to comment, critique, whatever you desire.
Chapter One: How to Avoid Embarrassment When a Melvin Enters Your Life
We'll begin this short book by telling a story about a girl named Helga. Before I get off to telling the story, I should perhaps warn you that Helga wasn’t and sometimes still isn’t very gifted when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite gender. However, I firmly believe that if you will read of her experiences, you might save yourself from having some of these same mishaps. And thus we shall begin our instructive journey.
Helga had the hots for her neighbor named Melvin. Melvin was a swell boy and treated Helga kindly. Bless Helga’s heart; she didn’t know that Melvin treated everyone kindly. Helga thought that his kindness meant that he, in return, had the hots for her. Poor Helga.
One night Helga decided to invite Melvin over for dinner so that she could declare her undying love for him. This would have been fine, but Helga chose a bad day, she decided that Valentine's Day would be the perfect day. Helga made a mistake though, she forgot to invite Melvin prior to that day, and from there things got ugly. The night of Valentine's Day came and Helga worked for a good long hour in the kitchen making delectable chicken enchiladas. After they were cooked and just waiting to be eaten she decided then would be a good time to offer her hospitality to Melvin. She walked over to his apartment and knocked on the door and then walked in. Melvin was sitting on the couch looking debonair. Helga immediately looked at the floor and managed to stutter, “Ummmmm, I made some delectable chicken enchiladas if you want some." Without waiting for a reply she left.
That was a lonely Valentines Day for Helga because Melvin never showed up. Her heart was shattered.
A few days passed and Helga didn't see much of Melvin. Then one seemingly beautiful day he sat by her on the bus and they started to have what she considered to be a deep and meaningful conversation. Things seemed to be going great. Melvin apologized that he had missed out on Helga’s hospitality a few nights before, explaining that he had already eaten, and she had left before he had time to tell her this. Helga’s heart immediately became whole again. The conversation continued magnificently, making Helga think that this might be the day that Melvin was going to ask her out on a date. Poor Helga. After the bus ride they got off and proceeded toward their apartments. Continuing their conversation, Melvin went on to tell Helga how excited he was for the weekend because he was going home to have a late celebration of Valentine's Day with his girlfriend Barbara. Helga’s heart was broken once again. She had been certain that she would be Melvin’s only true love, and then to her utter embarrassment and dismay she would have to accept the fact that because of Barbara’s ugly existence, Helga and Melvin were never to be more than friends. After a few moments of silence, for which purpose Helga tried to come up with a fitting response that would hide her pain, she ended up blurting out something rather stupid that only made apparent the hurt and embarrassment that she was experiencing. The details of what Helga said are not important; the significance to the story being that she said something utterly brainless when it would have been smarter had she either taken more time to come up with a more intellectual response or not said anything at all. But Helga just couldn’t manage to keep her mouth shut, thus embarrassing herself in a rather awkward manner.
The purpose of Helga's tragic story is to exhibit that although she had no chance of romance with Melvin, she could have saved herself from embarrassment, but instead she opened her mouth and spoke senseless words to him. For any of you girls out there that are a "Helga" and have a "Melvin" in your life, when you have a sudden urge to say something, but fear that it might come out wrong, trust in the words quoted in a popular song, “you say it best when you say nothing at all,” thus nourishing your chance to have a functional friendship with the Melvin in your life. Consider this the first lesson, and hopefully the only lesson for you to learn about unrequited love. I wish much luck to all the Helga's of the world.
So there you go, that is it. For now at least, as always feel free to comment, critique, whatever you desire.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Bummer Bread Blues
So, since I really have nothing else to do with my time right now I decided that it was time that I work on those good ol' homemaking skills. My mom informed me a few years ago that in order to become a "real woman" I had to learn to make Strawberry jam. I've only made it that one time, but I guess that I only need to become a woman once, right? So that was great and all, but I don't think that only knowing how to make jam is sufficient enough, I want to go beyond becoming a "real woman" so I decided that I was going to try making bread.
A friend of mine shared an amazing recipe that start to finish can take 1 hour, which sounded like the perfect recipe for me. So a few weeks ago, I got together with my mom, and some other family members to try the recipe out. It worked so well, and the coolest part about the recipe is that it is extremely versatile and you can make over 50 different things with just the one recipe. We made french bread, bread sticks, italian bread, regular loafs, a dessert braid, etc. It was so delicious. A few days later I needed to make some bread again for visiting teaching, but this would be the first time that I was doing it completely solo. All in all it turn out pretty well. Everything tasted great, it wasn't the prettiest, but it rose just like it was supposed to, and definitely tasted delicious like it was supposed to. I was so proud of myself, because I finally felt accomplished, that I was actually able to truly cook on my own.
So yet again, a week or so later, when we had extended family in town, my mom asked me to make some bread again. We had told my relatives about the recipe, and how great the bread was supposed to taste, so everyone was pretty excited. So again, I mixed the ingredients in the mixer just like I was supposed to. I kneaded the bread just how I was supposed to. And I let it rise just how it was supposed to. (or so I thought.........) And then put the bread in the oven, just how I was supposed to. So the 30 minutes later when I took the bread out of the oven, I could tell that something was terribly wrong, the bread looked exactly like it had when I put it in the oven, which was a bunch of very lumpy and ugly loafs. I was so sad. We had a good time laughing about our "Jewish" meal because of the unleavened bread, but we still can not figure out what went wrong. I was pretty crushed. Everyone began to question my ability to cook, and/or read recipes, but I still swear that I did everything that I was supposed to. So pretty much I'm determined that I must defend my "real woman" status, and prove that not only do I have the ability to make strawberry jam, but danget, I can make bread too. And when I do it the right way, I may offer to share with you.
A friend of mine shared an amazing recipe that start to finish can take 1 hour, which sounded like the perfect recipe for me. So a few weeks ago, I got together with my mom, and some other family members to try the recipe out. It worked so well, and the coolest part about the recipe is that it is extremely versatile and you can make over 50 different things with just the one recipe. We made french bread, bread sticks, italian bread, regular loafs, a dessert braid, etc. It was so delicious. A few days later I needed to make some bread again for visiting teaching, but this would be the first time that I was doing it completely solo. All in all it turn out pretty well. Everything tasted great, it wasn't the prettiest, but it rose just like it was supposed to, and definitely tasted delicious like it was supposed to. I was so proud of myself, because I finally felt accomplished, that I was actually able to truly cook on my own.
So yet again, a week or so later, when we had extended family in town, my mom asked me to make some bread again. We had told my relatives about the recipe, and how great the bread was supposed to taste, so everyone was pretty excited. So again, I mixed the ingredients in the mixer just like I was supposed to. I kneaded the bread just how I was supposed to. And I let it rise just how it was supposed to. (or so I thought.........) And then put the bread in the oven, just how I was supposed to. So the 30 minutes later when I took the bread out of the oven, I could tell that something was terribly wrong, the bread looked exactly like it had when I put it in the oven, which was a bunch of very lumpy and ugly loafs. I was so sad. We had a good time laughing about our "Jewish" meal because of the unleavened bread, but we still can not figure out what went wrong. I was pretty crushed. Everyone began to question my ability to cook, and/or read recipes, but I still swear that I did everything that I was supposed to. So pretty much I'm determined that I must defend my "real woman" status, and prove that not only do I have the ability to make strawberry jam, but danget, I can make bread too. And when I do it the right way, I may offer to share with you.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Welcome to the World of Blogging
I am so technologically illiterate that me getting a blog should be quite the adventure. I let my friend Lisa talk me into it, so if this ends up being the most boring thing that you have ever read, you can blame her. I'm told that I tell funny stories.....so I guess that is what I am supposed to write about when I do write. But I must be going, if I am going be writing about funny stories, I should probably get out and do some things so I actually have something to write "stories" about. I suppose this is it until stories have been had.
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