Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The result of boredom Part 1

I know that there are probably a very small group of people that actually look at my blog, but I've decided that this will be me publishing spot. For the next couple of posts (or about once a week) I'm just going to post a little something. It's a little nerdy, a little childish, a little crazy, and a little fun. For those that have read this before, you have 2 choices....you can read this again, although not a lot has changed, or you can skip it and decide yo have something far better to do with your time. The choice is yours, do with it as you will. This is just a little something that I started writing in college when I was bored and learned of a girl name Helga, and many of her dating blunders. Yes, she has enough to write a 6 chapter book (so far)...... So here it goes:

Chapter One: How to Avoid Embarrassment When a Melvin Enters Your Life

We'll begin this short book by telling a story about a girl named Helga. Before I get off to telling the story, I should perhaps warn you that Helga wasn’t and sometimes still isn’t very gifted when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite gender. However, I firmly believe that if you will read of her experiences, you might save yourself from having some of these same mishaps. And thus we shall begin our instructive journey.
Helga had the hots for her neighbor named Melvin. Melvin was a swell boy and treated Helga kindly. Bless Helga’s heart; she didn’t know that Melvin treated everyone kindly. Helga thought that his kindness meant that he, in return, had the hots for her. Poor Helga.
One night Helga decided to invite Melvin over for dinner so that she could declare her undying love for him. This would have been fine, but Helga chose a bad day, she decided that Valentine's Day would be the perfect day. Helga made a mistake though, she forgot to invite Melvin prior to that day, and from there things got ugly. The night of Valentine's Day came and Helga worked for a good long hour in the kitchen making delectable chicken enchiladas. After they were cooked and just waiting to be eaten she decided then would be a good time to offer her hospitality to Melvin. She walked over to his apartment and knocked on the door and then walked in. Melvin was sitting on the couch looking debonair. Helga immediately looked at the floor and managed to stutter, “Ummmmm, I made some delectable chicken enchiladas if you want some." Without waiting for a reply she left.
That was a lonely Valentines Day for Helga because Melvin never showed up. Her heart was shattered.
A few days passed and Helga didn't see much of Melvin. Then one seemingly beautiful day he sat by her on the bus and they started to have what she considered to be a deep and meaningful conversation. Things seemed to be going great. Melvin apologized that he had missed out on Helga’s hospitality a few nights before, explaining that he had already eaten, and she had left before he had time to tell her this. Helga’s heart immediately became whole again. The conversation continued magnificently, making Helga think that this might be the day that Melvin was going to ask her out on a date. Poor Helga. After the bus ride they got off and proceeded toward their apartments. Continuing their conversation, Melvin went on to tell Helga how excited he was for the weekend because he was going home to have a late celebration of Valentine's Day with his girlfriend Barbara. Helga’s heart was broken once again. She had been certain that she would be Melvin’s only true love, and then to her utter embarrassment and dismay she would have to accept the fact that because of Barbara’s ugly existence, Helga and Melvin were never to be more than friends. After a few moments of silence, for which purpose Helga tried to come up with a fitting response that would hide her pain, she ended up blurting out something rather stupid that only made apparent the hurt and embarrassment that she was experiencing. The details of what Helga said are not important; the significance to the story being that she said something utterly brainless when it would have been smarter had she either taken more time to come up with a more intellectual response or not said anything at all. But Helga just couldn’t manage to keep her mouth shut, thus embarrassing herself in a rather awkward manner.
The purpose of Helga's tragic story is to exhibit that although she had no chance of romance with Melvin, she could have saved herself from embarrassment, but instead she opened her mouth and spoke senseless words to him. For any of you girls out there that are a "Helga" and have a "Melvin" in your life, when you have a sudden urge to say something, but fear that it might come out wrong, trust in the words quoted in a popular song, “you say it best when you say nothing at all,” thus nourishing your chance to have a functional friendship with the Melvin in your life. Consider this the first lesson, and hopefully the only lesson for you to learn about unrequited love. I wish much luck to all the Helga's of the world.

So there you go, that is it. For now at least, as always feel free to comment, critique, whatever you desire.


  1. When I first read your title, I thought you were referring to a wedgie, 'cause those are sometimes called Melvins. Dang it!

  2. fool! how come you didn't tell me you have a blog? consider yourself forgiven though because i love reading what you write.

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