Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The result of boredom Part 3

Nothing too special here. I'm just posting these in the order that I wrote them, so have at it.

Chapter 3: Long Distance Relationships- The Reality of How Far is Too Far.

I can’t quote any source, but I've heard from many people that it's true that long distance relationships, for a number of reasons, don't work out. I full heartedly agree. Now before any of you that are exceptions begin to kick and scream and say that it worked for you, it is of the utmost necessity that you hear me out, for you will surely find yourself agreeing with my view. Those of you that hold little trust in my word will perhaps find that trust from our beloved friend Helga. Helga has never been in a serious relationship, although she has been committed in a long distance relationship many times. Perhaps you are a bit confused. I can’t promise that Helga’s story will make things more comprehensible for you, but I will indubitably make the effort.
Once upon a brisk December evening, Helga’s friend Alice called and asked her if she would like to be set up on a blind date. Helga had not been on a date since high school; because of this she was anything but hesitant when she accepted the offer. Alice only told Helga that the boy’s name was Ned and that he was quite the gentleman. Boy oh boy, Helga was ever so thrilled.
Now I won’t give you any details of the date, because they are not important to the true purpose of the story. However, I will let you know that Helga had a grand ol’ time on the date. She even recorded it in her precious diary so that she and Ned’s posterity would later find out how this splendid couple met. (If you are unsure if you read the last sentence correctly I invite you to read it again and again until you are convinced that your eyes are not playing tricks on you.)
Helga had such an amazing time on that date that she began to daydream about her future with Ned. She dreamt of Ned calling her up later that night to ask her on a second date. She dreamt of the many dates after that. She even dreamt of their first tender kiss under the stars standing on top of the A at midnight so that she could become a True Aggie the correct way. Helga found herself dreaming day in and day out. She was oblivious to the fact that this was to be the first and last date that she would ever share with Ned. Poor, poor Helga.
There is the possibility that you may have misunderstood me when you read the first paragraph. You likely thought that by long distance I meant the type of relationship in which the involved parties are separated by miles and miles of land, thus they are compelled to keep in touch through writing and telephone conversations, and due to new technological advances they can even send an e-mail of endearment. However this is not what I meant, nor was this the type of long distance relationship that Helga has found herself involved in many times. By long distance I meant the type of relationship that is so long distance that it is literally non-existent. In other words, it is a relationship that only exists inside one’s head, such as the one that Helga dreamt of with Ned.
This is not meant to discourage you from ever daydreaming after experiencing a fabulous date such as Helga’s with Ned, but there is a limit that you must pay attention to. This limit is one that Helga has ignored many times, later finding herself hurt, or as the surfers say “bummed out” because she has let this long distance relationship go on far too long. Helga has experienced many unfortunate events in her love life. The cynic might even argue that because of these experiences Helga isn’t even qualified to say that she has a love life to speak of. I plead with you to learn from this quandary of Helga’s.
In conclusion, I sincerely hope that the next time you have an awe-inspiring date, when you go home to write in your diary, think of Helga and the awful state that you may find yourself in if you follow her wretched example of taking a long distance relationship too far.


  1. I love Helga. Bless her heart.

  2. I sure do hope that she actually progresses somewhere in the not too far future.